Special Parenting

Originally posted on 8/28/11
Yesterday, we attended the wedding of Sue's cousin. Teddy was really excited about dressing up and going to the wedding. Of course, as soon as it started...he was ready to go! But, amazingly, he did really well. He went the full 45 minutes without even a slight outburst. A wedding for most parents is a normal event at some point. They expect their children will get married. For us, what would be a "happy" day for most parents would be an ecstatic, winning the lottery, reprieve from the governor, crying for joy, miracle before our eyes type of day. One of our greatest hopes for Teddy is that he would be able to get married someday and with our help be able to raise a family. We have no idea what the future holds in this regard, but he is a tall, handsome boy with an interest in girls...so maybe it isn't just a dream on our part. So yeah, watching the wedding was a melancholy sort of moment for me and I wasn't sure why until later when I thought about it. I actually heard a man the other day, a man that actually makes over $100k a year bragging that he didn't have to pay for his daughter's wedding, like he had gotten out of a burden. When you're a special needs parent though, you get a new perspective on the miracles in life that seem so mundane to so many people. If Teddy gets married, we won't be worrying about how much it costs!! For us it will be one of the ultimate victories in this long struggle. Same with college....I hear so many parents complain about paying for college, even parents with means, to me that is a champaign problem. Of course, it is easy for me to see and judge them for their lack of gratitude and I quite possibly don't understand "normal" parenting any better than they understand special parenting. All of this said, I would never trade with the "normal" parents. I would love to not have the stress and worry of being a special parent...but I have never for one second ever wanted to trade.

Speaking of understanding: Friday night I had a dream that we were at a Wal Mart with Teddy and another girl with special needs...they both ran out of the Wal Mart with fishing poles, didn't pay for them, ran across a busy street and started fishing in a pond. I caught up to them and I was furious in my dream and I didn't have the best reaction...yelling and poking the both of them with my finger (which I don't think I'd really do, but I have had reactions I would have liked to have changed in real life)...I just remember and will for the rest of my life, the complete look of shock on both of their faces...they had had such a joyous and natural response to seeing an opportunity, and they didn't understand that I was going to have to impose the real world upon their more perfect world. I was sad about it all day, but on the upside I actually put this dream to use last night...after we got home from the reception last night, Ted threw some cardboard in the toilet (luckily it didn't get flushed this time...last time that cost $150 bucks) I caught him before he had a chance to flush...he was certain that I would be angry and he was yelling to himself how stupid he was...but I just told him "no big deal lets figure out a way to get this cleaned up" and instead of an hour of chaos, he peacefully went to sleep a few minutes later.